Connected Leadership

I had finished work on that Friday evening and was in the garden firing up the BBQ ready for some good food (if a little charred) and some relaxation outside at the end of a hard-working week. Suddenly from inside the house came a shout, or more of a scream really, and I ran inside immediately, thinking probably that one of the children had hurt themselves. The scene that greeted me was quite unbelievable – I’m sure you saw it just as I did, and can recall immediately the graphic images – the TV had just been turned on and there was the bomb scene in a city somewhere, with my wife and all three of the children looking on in disbelief. This was not Beirut, or Gaza, or even London – this was Oslo, where the government buildings are.

My wife is Norwegian, and my sister-in-law works in one of those buildings. We know that place – and it’s the last place in the world you’d ever expect such scenes to be coming from. Lots can be said, and has been, about those terrible events than unfolded in Norway on Friday 22nd July. One thing that we couldn’t help but be moved, and impressed by, was the conduct of the leaders of the country, who were fantastic and conveyed the grief and pride of the nation. And right in the middle of it all, amidst the masses of gathered people, the King and Queen of Norway were seen milling around, talking with people, and openly weeping with them. That’s great leadership, I thought; connected leadership. They are deeply loved and respected by their people, and it’s easy to see why.

People respond much better when their leaders are engaged with them. It’s an ‘us’ not a ‘them and us’ situation, when it genuinely feels like everyone’s pulling together in the same direction, and that each person, from the most senior to the most junior, is valued for who they are and for the role they play in helping the organisation (or company, or group or nation) succeed. This can take a bit longer perhaps, be a little inconvenient, and occasionally even slightly unsafe, but it’s absolutely worth it for the reward it brings.

Say it like it is

A few years ago I attended a leadership seminar at which a retired very senior manager from one of the world’s largest companies was asked what he thought was THE most important thing for leaders to learn in order to be effective. His answer has stayed with me ever since – “do everything you say that you’ll do.”

In a 15 year survey of hundreds of thousands of people on six continents, Kouzes & Posner asked what qualities people most admire in leaders. The top answer, by a distance, was honesty.

Do what you say; be honest. Is good leadership really that simple?

I’ve been talking recently with two different small business owners that are doing really, really well. Both shared with me that one of the reasons their clients tell them they keep coming back for more is that they love the honesty with which they are treated. They always know exactly where they stand, never feel ‘sold to’, and even when mistakes are made, admitted, and professionally rectified, they love that too!

In a world of so much distrust, dishonesty, cover-up,  blaming others and general lack of taking personal responsibility, people love honesty. Consistently practised over time, through good and not-so-good circumstances, its incredibly powerful!

I’m bigger on the inside

I can’t remember where I heard this from or the particular person in question but it’s memorable none-the-less:

A famous speaker of the 19th Century who was not an especially large man received some kind of derogatory comment and replied something along the lines of:

“I may look small, but I’m a hundred times bigger on the inside.”

This is a great comment! Here are a few of the things I think help make us big on the inside:

- practicing thinking well of yourself

- don’t try and be great at everything

- develop a positive attitude towards mistakes & failures

- understand that you won’t get on great with everyone

- set out to enjoy every day, make friends and have fun

- remember to take pleasure in even very little victories

- give to others wherever possible. Generosity breeds happiness!

Just a few thoughts – sure you could add many more. As always, it takes practice, discipline and determination (with feedback) to embed these kinds of attitudes so they become habits – but boy is it worth the effort!

Real-ly positive

Much is said about how in order to be successful you must have a positive attitude – and I agree with this 100%.

I’m sure though that we’ve all had those experiences of meeting ‘hyper-positive’ people for whom everything is always ‘Amazing!’, ‘Couldn’t be better’, ‘On top of the world’, ‘Absolutely brilliant’, in a way that makes you feel that you never get to meet the real person and develop a meaningful relationship with them.

At the other end of the scale are those utterly negative people for whom the glass is always half empty, and listening to them you can tangibly feel the energy and inspiration draining away from inside you!

So what does a genuine positive attitude look like? What does it mean to be real-ly positive? I’ve been pondering these questions, and venture to share with you a few thoughts.

- it is possible to be genuinely positive on a consistent daily basis, maintaining our focus on successes, opportunities and possibilities with a cheerful, grateful outlook on life

- its equally important to speak with honesty about the challenges, obstacles and setbacks that we experience and that whilst we may not disclose these right away, or to everyone, its an essential element in building lasting relationships of any depth and trust.

- staying positive takes a lot of practice, and mastering self-motivation skills such as affirmation and visualisation, and building them into your daily routine, are hugely important, as is maintaining a genuine interest in other people rather than becoming too self-focussed.

Its just a few thoughts on the subject; I’m sure you could add plenty more.

Have a real-ly positive day!

 

Face it – you’re weird!

We generally like to think of ourselves as broadly ‘normal’ and life is mostly lived by most people within the boundaries of what is accepted as ‘normal’ behaviour.

The fact is though that you are unique! There is no-one else on the planet who thinks, reasons, feels and acts quite like you do. You’re weird…well as least in the sense that you are different to everyone else.

This is the reason why clever techniques and coldly-applied ‘principles’ don’t cut it when it comes to people, and people are what makes the world work – whether its your colleagues, your customers, your friends or your family.

I’ve been married for 7 and a half years and I still haven’t got my wife figured out! She’s weird! And guess what? I’m weird too! We are constantly discovering new ways in which we are different. We are blessed with 3 wonderful kids, but I am amazed at how 3 small people with the same genetic heritage can have such incredibly diverse personalities, skills and interests.

Its takes time and effort, good listening, understanding and appreciation to make relationships work. Without this, its so easy for things to go wrong…and whether its in a work, home or social context, when relationships break down, everything and everybody suffers.

One of the things I’m learning to enjoy and appreciate more and more is how different people are – how each one of us brings something unique to the table and, if understood and appreciated, this can make for incredibly powerful teamwork and hugely enriched lives.

Just don’t expect everyone to see things like you do – you’re weird!

Leadership is influence

It’s often been said that leadership is influence – it’s the impact you are having on the people around you and therefore the effect on the team, group, community, or family/household that you are part of.

Nothing about this requires any ‘official’ leadership position for you to exercise influence where you are. In fact, you are constantly influencing your environment all the time – it’s just a case of whether your contribution is positive or negative.

It’s amazing to see the powerful effect upon others of those who are positive, encouraging, generous and servant-hearted…and equally noteworthy is the response such people get in return.

The commitment to be a positive presence wherever they go is something that clearly marks out the best leaders.

Leadership – it starts with YOU!

Its easy to think about other people – what they need, what they should do, how they could make things better. The reality is that the best way for me to change anything is to start by changing me.

In November 2000 I was given a book by one of the greatest leaders I had the privilege to know that to this day remains the best I’ve ever read on the subject of leadership (I must have given about 20 copies away since, and just ordered a few more again this morning):

“The 21 Indispensible Qualities of a Leader” by John C. Maxwell.

Its 21 qualities that I should seek to develop in myself – not techniques to impress people, oratory skills to dazzle them or man-management clichés - people can see right through that stuff. People want to follow those who genuinely care about them, who tell them the truth, who display genuine courage and sacrificial leadership. They want passion, vision, generosity and understanding, to name but a few. Anyway its a great book, well worth getting hold of.

If you read it and like it, it contains exactly the kind of things that are developed, honed and cemented as ongoing habits through our Personal Leadership programs – it really does start with you!